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“Shocking Discovery: McCoy and Sarkisian React to Players Testing Positive for Hard Drugs”

Shocking Discovery: McCoy and Sarkisian React to Players Testing Positive for Hard Drugs in a jaw-dropping revelation that has sent shockwaves through the college football world, multiple players from both the Texas Longhorns and USC Trojans programs have reportedly tested positive for hard drugs following a routine, albeit unscheduled, drug screening earlier this week. The results, leaked anonymously by a source within the NCAA, have sparked immediate reactions from both coaching staffs, with Texas head coach Colt McCoy and USC head coach Steve Sarkisian stepping into the spotlight to address the situation.“This is not the Texas standard,” McCoy said during an impromptu press conference held outside Darrell K Royal–Texas Memorial Stadium. “I came back to this program to build men of character, not to watch my roster turn into the cast of Breaking Bad.” He paused to shake his head before adding, “Look, I expect some Gatorade and maybe a little Red Bull—heck, even too much creatine. But cocaine? That’s a bit above the playbook.”McCoy, visibly agitated but composed, stated that the affected players have been suspended indefinitely pending a full investigation and counseling. He emphasized that the university would provide resources for rehabilitation but would not compromise on discipline or accountability.Meanwhile in Los Angeles, Sarkisian took a slightly more philosophical—if not bewildered—approach. “Man, I always thought I’d be dealing with eligibility issues, maybe some TikTok drama,” he said, pacing back and forth in front of a USC banner. “But now I’ve got linebackers failing drug tests like it’s the ‘70s and they’re auditioning for Led Zeppelin.”Sarkisian, who has openly discussed his own past struggles with alcohol, expressed both empathy and frustration. “As someone who knows what it’s like to battle demons, I won’t turn my back on these kids. But we’re not running a halfway house. We’re running a football program that’s supposed to be preparing them for the NFL—not Narcos: Los Angeles.”The affected players’ identities have not been officially released, though rumors circulating on social media suggest some are starters with significant roles on both squads. The NCAA has neither confirmed nor denied these details but issued a short statement saying it is “actively monitoring the situation.”Reactions among fans have ranged from furious to incredulous. One Texas fan tweeted, “First we lose to Oklahoma, and now this? Might as well rename us the Austin Rehabbers.” A USC booster commented,

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