Passion or Problem? Cristobal Weighs In on Pope’s Practice Blaze the Vatican is no stranger to fiery debate, but last Friday’s incident might just take things a little too literally. A practice session for the upcoming Easter Vigil went up in smoke—literally—when a ceremonial censer caught a decorative tapestry ablaze. The flames were extinguished quickly, but not before triggering a flurry of whispers, press flashes, and one particularly dramatic swoon from a nun in the third pew.Enter Cristobal Marchesi, the Vatican’s most outspoken (and questionably authorized) theologian-turned-social commentator, who has once again inserted himself squarely into the burning heart of controversy. With his signature espresso in hand and a fedora that screams “mid-life crisis meets ecclesiastical flair,” Cristobal took to his podcast God, Gossip & Grappa to deliver what he claims is a “measured response to the pontiff’s fiery rehearsal faux pas.”“This is either a divine message or someone didn’t read the fire extinguisher manual,” Cristobal began, somewhere between mockery and genuine concern. “I’ve seen passion in worship, but when the Pope nearly scorches St. Peter’s Basilica during rehearsal, you’ve got to ask: is this zeal, or just poor planning?”Eyewitnesses reported seeing Pope Francis, ever the hands-on spiritual leader, gesturing animatedly just moments before the blaze broke out. Whether the Pope was encouraging deeper incense swings or simply shooing a pigeon is unclear, but the timing has led many—including Cristobal—to ponder the theological implications.“Look,” Cristobal continued, “I love a good Catholic spectacle as much as the next guy. But when your holiest rehearsal ends in holy hellfire, maybe it’s time to rethink the choreography. Maybe scale back the dramatics. Maybe swap out the thirty-pound gold censer for something less… flammable.”While the Vatican officially released a calm and composed statement attributing the fire to “an unfortunate but minor incident during preparation,” Cristobal wasn
